i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
