Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
