does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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