Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
