he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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