I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize