So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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