I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
