cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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