The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize