I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
