so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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