I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
