Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
