Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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