If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
