I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
where are my eyebrows?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
