my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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