Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
