i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize