Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
