Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
