What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
