I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
