I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
