If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My penis needs a shock collar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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