Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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