dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
