Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
