he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
