I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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