This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
