I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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