Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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