Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
