GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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