there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
