I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize