She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
