New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
