I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
