I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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