I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
