So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
