Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
