for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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