I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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