we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
