after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
