He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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