well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
