when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
