Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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