This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
