K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
