So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
