He kissed a someone with a penis
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
