I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
