summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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