You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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