why didn't you poke me back
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
