are you still at the devil's house?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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