look no pants
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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