dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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