Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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