o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
NoShamevember. You game?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
