I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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