i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
