did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
