Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
