She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
