if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
