Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
